iphone pictures

The truth is, the pain and anxiety doesn't all just disappear once the addict is out of your life.



so women out there thinking divorce will take away all the pain and sorrow, please recognize it is not so. BUT it does become healthier. and it is certainly less pain and anxiety.  but it does not magically all go away.

i was going though my pictures on my iphone the other day.  i found the saddest photos ever.
i have no idea why, but after january sometime, i started documenting pictures of myself when i was hysterical and hurt by p.   it reminded me of how raw and deep that pain was.
i would be lying if i said i didn't miss the great qualities p. possesses.  of course right?
i would be lying if i said i didn't miss our friendship, inside jokes, and activities we loved to do.
but those images of me crying (which i recognize is a totally weird thing for me to take pictures of…) remind me of the reality.

i never have deserved being treated poorly.
no one does.


remember the time i was so excited to make him his easter basket and fill it?  remember the time he got furious with me in the car and left it on my door step?
all the times hes been angry at me for no reason
for the never ending fights over petty things
for the mean things that have been said
for telling me not to cry
for leaving me places
making me feel rejected over and over
for having sex with her
for all the lies

i don't know how i did it for so long.
i was completely the poor lady in the abusive relationship that had blinders on. kept myself in the lions den purposely.
i had so much love and hope and belief in the ability to change.
i thought it could all be worked on and overcome.  i thought it might just be possible to progress from it.


i can honestly say, i have a healthier perspective now.
i thank God for the strength and courage be blessed me with to walk away from that relationship.
there has been nothing but amazing people and experiences since then that have confirmed in my heart and mind that i made the right choice.

i am currently dating a man that treasures me.  he knows how to control himself.
he is slow to anger.
he is calm and respectful.
and he makes me feel like the queen that i am to become.


and i feel sooo very blessed.