slump.

its only half way through my day.  and im surprised by the time.
it feels like i've been up for well over 20 hours.
i tried my tricks, my methods, like the ones i spelled out in this post
but they weren't working today.
i felt like sitting in my slump.
like darkness surrounded me and choked me just as much as my man feels choked by this addiction.

so when i realized that my prayers (probably the whiny 'i know i need to pray, but i dont feel like it' kind of prayers) weren't boosting my mood.
i decided i needed help.  it was 8 am.
and i texted a few people that i could.  people that already know about what i am dealing with.
i was reaching out for help. for someone to help me think how im suppose to be thinking.
for a quote or a scripture to give me an eternal perspective.
to feel  hope.

so i read a scripture, read the texts from people who selflessly serve me, prayed some more, read some recovery blogs, and WENT TO THE GYM!

i am a personal trainer, so i could go on for days about the benefits of exercise.
but the most important, for me, is the release.
the feeling of overcoming something today.

and i've felt much better after that.
p. sent me some comforting words, letting me know he is here for me too.
and i will be ok today.

i am learning patience. to not jump to terrible reactions.
to be in control of myself and my feelings.
it is so very hard.
but it is part of becoming like God.

lets go team d! gunna nail some job interviews tonight!