P. finally opened up after my heartache and hysterics of last night.
What a mess i was. Such unnecessary shame and anger he throws on me before he gets to the humble part, the part that makes me love him more.
P. said that he has had his longest sobriety yet! 13 days. And im really proud of him. During the last week though, he had been really irritable in general toward me, quick to be short with me. For no reason. ESPECIALLY if i brought up addiction... So simply, last night he told me that he got through 13 days by ignoring pornography with all his might. Not thinking about addiction, not reading about recovery. Sheer might.
I commend him on the strict human strength that takes for an addict, but he knowledged it wasnt the right way to get sobriety.
I didnt say a word. (There are so many words i dont say to him, im afraid to.. So i write them here..).
Ignoring it is like putting a bandaid on addiction. That will not last forever. Satan is more crafty than that. We are human, we can not expect or ask of ourselves to do superhuman things.
He needs the atonement. The savior. It really is the only way. But he needs to realize and find that.
So i sit here, and take the anger.
And have hope for the day when he realizes and find this Savior of ours.
I am grateful for the gospel. Especially for Gods plan of happiness.
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