Ive been out of town this past weekend without p.
and i felt like i did really well in trusting him and keeping only healthy thoughts.
I am currently reading, the worth of a soul by cramer.
And there is an internal battle within me that is trying to not be blind like my first marriage, to not have those rose tinted glasses on and be realistic about marrying into this addiction (again), while the other side loves p. truly madly deeply from an endless and unconditional place within me.
I wonder, will this addiction leave me worn out and unhappy and looking forty years older than i should? Will it be as exhausting later as it is now?
I have absolutely no way of knowing whether p. overcomes this in the next year or two and doesnt let it be out of his control again and we have a happy and healthy life together. But i also have no way of knowing if he will ever cheat on me or take this addiction further or if he will one day give up on recovery or on being active in the church.
All i really have is faith.
And im praying fervently that God will lead me through darkness like he has promised.
I got a pretty strong feeling this weekend while i was visiting with my mom and grandma that no matter what, i will be happy in this life, and everything will be ok. I feel peace.
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