im feeling really good about holding myself together the past 24 hours.
p. and i had a break through conversation tuesday.
HE CAME TO ME to talk about addiction!!!
!!!
!!!
!!!
whaaaaaaat???!!!!!
who is this awesome man?!
yay!
the conversation was a dream.
we were both calm and humble and expressed love and gratitude.
he recognized that he needs a sponsor (finally! yay!!) and expressed his hope (i so needed to hear!)
and i loved him like crazy.
it made me so happy.
then yesterday (wednesday nights we go to group—which he missed the past three weeks) he said he will not be missing any more meetings. i walked to the church building and didnt see his car.
my heart sank but i smiled some how and said told myself it was going to be ok.
my meeting was totally wonderful. and heart wrenching. and the Spirit was so strong.
during the meeting i get a text from p.
he is mad at himself.
he fell asleep again.
i took a deep breath and kept my cool.
i told him i loved him. i told him to get to the meeting even if he missed half of it. and i encouraged him.
he didn't come.
i curled my hair and dressed cute to see him after the meeting.
i was sad.
i was sad that he said he would come and talked my ear off about how devoted he is just the day before.
but i decided— it wasnt going to ruin my day.
i decided to be thankful that he even told me, that he didnt lie, and that he recognized that he need to be there
so i let it go.
he struggled all night. didn't care to see me (curled my hair for nothing! hmmf!)
and was difficult to talk to.
so i let it go. and i prayed earnestly several times for him.
and gave it to God.
and it felt SOOO GOOD!!
i slept like an angel. and woke up happy.
i know he had a rough night. and i did my best by telling him that i love him.
but i can't take his consequences and pain away.
only the Savior can help him with that.
and I feel so much relief and burden lifted off me.
it's not my problem to fix.
and i am going to be healthy and happy.
no matter what he does or doesnt do.
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