Does not prevent them from happening
I also read: 'prison of obsessive thoughts'.
Welcome to my mind.
"Worry can make us terminally miserable, merely enduring life, getting through, waiting for our reward in heaven, not knowing that there is a reward each day in being alive and living our own lives."
Im stuck in this right now.
Last night p. invited me over for dinner.
It was sweet. I still didnt know how to act or what i felt.
But i missed him. And i also had no desire to kiss him. So weird.
Anyway,my mind was a hot mess.
I could hear another girls voice in his roommates room (his roommate is super close with p's ex) and my heart raced. Was she there??
When he sat at his computer to turn on a tv show, i watched the screens looking for pornography.
When he got up to go to the bathroom, i prayed he wouldnt shut the bedroom door to seclude himself. I held my breath until he returned.
When he closed his eyes, dozing off a little i panicked about what he might be visualizing.
When he held me a tried to kiss me i wondered if it was lust and visions of some busty broad.
My mind was out of control. And soo exhausted.
And today ive felt like im so far gone in recovery from where i felt i was just a week or two ago. I was doing so well... I was the one in control... I was a recovery rockstar..
And now im back to being a mess.
it is a rollercoaster ride for sure...you said it best yourself, "Worrying about things
ReplyDeleteDoes not prevent them from happening" thanks for sharing...hang in there!!
thank you zaida =]
DeleteI've been thinking about you. I hope this weekend you have felt some peace.
ReplyDeleteI wish things would level out. But, I suppose then I would probably get complacent and forget to rely on my Savior the way I have needed to for the last while. I feel for you. I do.
eileen, i appreciate that so much. i think its true! i heard once, "our trials give us reason to even KNOW our Savior". and he is worth it =]
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