Read this on www.joshweed.com, a man with SSA, is lds, and is happily married to a woman (sounds like an amazing human being):
"Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection."
i read more today about the chemical processes that occur with sex and sexual behavior. a bonding chemical is released, connecting the person with whomever or whatever is stimulating them.
it is just another layer that makes it so very difficult for lust addicts to break this emotional bond they have with their source of pleasure.
and thats hard to hear as the lady that would like to be the only source wanted and needed.
I can tell you, from very personal experience, that this is true and that it is possible. My husband has been clean for 2 years now and is a changed man. Every day still represents a struggle and a temptation for him, but he tells me it isn't the same. I believe him when he reports to me because other healthy behaviors echo louder. Our relationship is better because of the changes he made and the growth and changes I experienced going through the program you are going through. And the sex...wow, I wish I just could make people understand. It is precisely as you quoted. I have my boundaries that he respects, including that I won't do anything if it feels 'off', like he isn't emotionally connected in the moment. He absolutely respects that because it is a safeguard for him as well. It is better than ever and I think that now that he has experienced that it has helped his resolve in times of temptation because he is better able to see the counterfeit. Hold strong, there is hope.
ReplyDeleteI love your comment! I have the same boundary. The sex is better when we are connected. Humility is the word that describes it best.
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