also, triggers...

i had a sense yesterday that things were a little off.
that "noah and ali" moment carried over through the day.
do you spouses feel it?
the spirit of discernment?
i could sense satan tempting him.
i hate that feeling.

its a helpless feeling cause all i can do is pray for him (and for me) and try to show love and testimony.
(what do you ladies do???  other things that work for you to help him when he's tempted???)

we met up around dinner time.
we had a great time together. just mellow.
watched River Monsters and he made me egg sandwiches (yes multiple).
but it was trigger central.  my anxiety from my feeling that he was being tempted.
i couldn't help but have anxiety as he scanned the channels. i watched the name of every show in the guide, fearful that just reading the name would catch him.  (never saw any, haha)
when he got up to get something from his room, and didn't come back for a while,  i went to check on him.  i did.  i checked on him.  co-dependent behavior.
he was watching a gun video.  haha.
when he readjusted his "stuff"  i tense up and think, "man just dont touch it!!"  ahahaa.
when i plugged my phone into his room, i had thoughts of checking his phone or computer
i had thoughts of throwing away all of the lotion i could find in the room
i had thoughts about him moving into a new ward (he might be moving soon) and worrying of him lusting after new eye candy


most of these are just unconscious thoughts that i am trying to be conscious of and change.  i wasn't miserable or anything, handling this anxiety has just become part of life.
im getting better.
and im getting good at not listening to them and changing them quickly with prayer, positivity, and trust.
but it sure is hard.
i hope one day, i will worry less and less.