nightmares.

i wish this blog was more cheerful like the title implies.
i had nightmares and woke up curled in a ball crying.
we were on vacation and he was cheating on me with my sister.
and they were both smiling and happy.
i wanted to throw up and die.
haha.

then (i watched the office before i fell asleep) we were working together and pornographic sites kept printing off the printer when i asked him to print a work document.
everyone was crowding around me.  giving me dirty looks.
i made some excuse for him.
my heart raced and i woke up crying again.

i said 3 prayers and fell back asleep.
i had a nightmare i found pornography on his phone—he has promised he has never used his phone..
when i asked him, he just smiled and shrugged.



my pillow was soaked and i desperately did not want to come to work.
but here i am.
i forced myself to smile at myself in the mirror.
and i prayed.
and i said, "Heavenly Father, let it pass from me."






"i will not go down with you, p.  love ya, but i am going to choose the Savior.
i can do it.
i have done hard things.
and i will do something great with today."