spent an hour crying while i rode the bike at the gym.  (i should probably hydrate).
i dont think anyone noticed.

tomorrow will be 2 weeks from when he agreed and committed to my boundaries.
and not much has changed.
we thought everything would change. we were so happy and felt the Spirit like never before.
but surprise, satan is still here. every day.
and the consequences of 2 weeks without fulfilling those boundaries is that im out.

i know God approved and inspired those boundaries.  i feel peace that they are true and workable and doable.  and i know that i must follow through with my end.

but boy, i dont want to.  i dont want to leave him.
and if i knew today would be our last day together id like to sit and hold him and kiss him and tell him i love him.

ive been waiting.
and waiting 13 months for him to find the Savior.
for him to do something.
for him to become temple worthy.
for him to put in the real efforts for recovery.

and now he's down to one day.
we need a miracle.
and all the prayers and help.
tomorrow may open a whole other door of pain.